i just made my gag reflex go away.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
