just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Randomize
