drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
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