mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
It's never too late to be topless.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
