I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
Randomize
