it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
Will exercising make me less horny?
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