She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
Randomize
