Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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