Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
you would pick up someone in the library
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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