We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
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