No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
Randomize
