Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
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