my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
Randomize
