Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
Randomize
