This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
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