I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Randomize
