he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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