Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Randomize
