We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
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