im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
