I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
Randomize
