it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
Randomize
