12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
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