I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
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