I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
