If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
