My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
I know her cup size but not her name....
Randomize
