Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
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