Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
