there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize
