My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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