he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
Randomize
