I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
