I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
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