You smell like stripper and shame
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
Randomize
