sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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