I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
It's no shave November. This is our time.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
Randomize
