My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize
