i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Randomize
