I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
Randomize
