Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Randomize
