Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
Randomize
