I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
Randomize
