okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Randomize
