Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
my vag is so smooth its legendary
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
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