To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
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