Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
