New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize
