I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
Randomize
