I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
What a dumb baby whore.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
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