Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
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