The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
Naked. naked and bneed help.
Randomize
