Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Randomize
