There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
