Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
She needs sedatives and a leash
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize
