I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
